Yesterday's Jam

Scene 5

(Moss knocks on Jen's door)

Jen: Come in.

(Jen pretends to be talking to Denholm on the phone)

Jen: Yeah, Denholm. Yeah, yeah, no n-n-n-no, no they've been fine so far. Yeah, I think we're going to get on great. Yeah I know, alright then, no you take care, alright, yeah I will, yeah, okay take care, take care, okay bye, bye.

So, hello, what can I do you for... what can I do for you?

Moss: Hallo. I was just wondering: do you want me to connect up your phone?

Jen: No n-n-n-n-n-n-no. It's working. Errm I was just talking to Denholm there.

(Moss picks up phone which clearly has no connections)

Moss: But how?

Jen: Would you mind, closing the door for me?

Moss: Oh yeah, sure.

Jen: Yeah, from the other side.

Moss: Of course. Like this.

Jen: That's it.

Moss: With me on the...

Jen: Thanks.

Moss: Oh.

(Roy enters. Head bound in bandages)

Are you alright?

Roy: Ahh yes Moss I'm fine. Nurse said I didn't do any serious damage.

Moss: I'm standing over here.

Roy: I know, I know, I'm joking. I'm fine. What are we going to do about her?

Moss: Well, I just went in and she was having a pretend conversation.

Roy: Really?

Moss: Yes. she's a little bit weird to say the least.

(sprays his ear)

Roy: What's that?

Moss: Oh, just water. Sometimes I get a hot ear and this helps cool it down. She is quite the oddball. Did you notice how she didn't even get excited when she saw this original ZX81?

Roy: Yeah, that was weird. It's almost as if she doesn't know anything about computers.

Moss: What? (drops cup)

Roy: What are you doing?

Moss: Oh don't worry, that's why I always make two cups of tea. Anyway what were we talking about?

Roy: Oh her not knowing anything about computers.

Moss: What? (drops cup)

Roy: Okay, we definitely want to get rid of her.

Moss: Agreed.

Roy: Okay, so here's the plan.

Moss: A plan. Let me put on my slightly larger glasses. Okay. Hit me.

Roy: Okay, we go in.

Moss: When?

Roy: You know, like in a minute.

Moss: Will that be enough time for me to get to know the plan?

Roy: Yeah, you know what. I shouldn't have used the word plan. I've clearly gotten you over excited.

Moss: Would scheme be a better word? Although that's just as exciting, I might even need these.

(puts on even larger glasses)

Roy: All I was gonna say was; we go in, I make up a lot of bollocks about computers and we'll see if she picks up on it.

Moss: Yes. I can see why you didn't want to use the word plan.

Roy: Let me do the talking.

Ohh! Ok, we need to get this right. We need to stay calm. We do not want to go in there half-cocked.


(Roy knocks on Jens door and both enter)

Jen: Hang on guys. How can I help?

Roy: Well, we were just wondering, now that you're the boss; would you like us to access the data supplier and connect you up to the matrix?

Jen: You just made all that up.

Roy: You don't know anything about computers, admit it!

Jen: Will you stop trying to undermine me, now get in there and do some work to do with com-puters. I'll be in there in a minute to check up on you.

Roy: Okay, lady. You've won this round. But we can wait. You will slip up on day and believe you me we will be there when you do. It will be some piece of evidence that will prove without any shadow of a doubt that you don't know anything about computers.

Jen: (to Moss) What are you doing?

Moss: Plugging in your computer.

Roy: It might be something you say or something you do but when we notice it and believe me we will notice it, it's going to be a long way down for you sweet cheeks.

(Roy exits)

Moss: He'll realise in a second.

(Roy jumps back into the office realising what has happened screaming and pointing)

Scene: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9


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